◎ Ann Wells

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister’s bureau and lifted out a tissue wrapped package. “This,” he said, “is not a slip. This is lingerie.” He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip.

It was exquisite, silk, and handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.

“Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion.”

“Well, I guess this is the occasion.”

He took the slip from me and put it on the bed, with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, and then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me, “Don’t ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you’re alive is a special occasion.”

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister’s family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn’t seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.

I’m still thinking about his words, and they’ve changed the weeds in the garden. I’m spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure. I’m trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I’m not “saving” anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special. Event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom... I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28. 49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I’m not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party going friends.

“Someday” and “one of these days” are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it’s worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I’m not sure what my sister would’ve done had she know that she wouldn’t be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted.

I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize, and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I’m guessing. I’ll never know.

It’s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with someday. Angry because I hadn’t written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn’t tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them.

I’m trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that every day, every minute, every breath truly, is a gift from God.

姐夫拉开姐姐衣柜的最底层抽屉，拿出一个用纸包装的包裹。“这件，”他说，“不是一般的内衣，而是件豪华内衣。”他剥掉包装纸，把衣服递给我。

这条丝绸内衣是用纯手工缝制的，工艺精湛，边缘一圈蕾丝花边。价签还没撕下，上面的数字高得惊人。

“这件是简在我们第一次去纽约时买的，至少八九年前的事了。她还从没穿过，她说要留到特别的场合穿。”

“唉，现在就是那个特别的场合了吧。”

他从我手中接过内衣放在床上；床上还有别的衣服，我们将它们一并带到殡仪馆。他的手在那柔软的面料上抚摸了一会儿，随即砰地关上抽屉，转身对我说：“永远都不要把任何东西留给什么特殊的日子。你活着的每一天都是特别的。”

这两句话久久回荡在我耳边，伴我度过了葬礼和帮姐夫和侄儿处理姐姐意外身亡的后事的那伤心的几天。我从位于中西部小镇的姐姐家回加州时，在飞机上也一直在思考这些话。我想到她来不及看、来不及听、来不及做的事，想到那些她做了但没意识到其特殊性的事。

我至今还在想他的话，这些话就如去除院子里的杂草一样，改变了我的心情。我和家人朋友在一起的时间长了，花在开会上的时间短了。无论何时，生活应当是一种“品味”而非一种“忍受”。我在学习欣赏每一刻，并珍惜每一刻。

我不再去“珍藏”任何东西；只要有一点好事，我们就不吝惜地使用精美的瓷器和水晶制品，比方说庆祝体重减了一英镑，庆祝堵塞的水槽被疏通了，庆祝第一枝山茶花绽放……只要我想穿，我就穿着名牌服装去市场购物。我的理论是，只要我看起来还富有，面对价值28.49美元的一小堆杂货时，我会眼睛眨也不眨地买下来。我不会把好香水留到特别的派对上才用；五金店店员、银行出纳们的嗅觉，不会比派对朋友来得差。

“某一天”“总有一天”正从我的常用词汇中淡出。如果值得去看、去听或去做，我当即就要去看、去听或去做。人人都理所当然以为自己必然有明天，不知如果姐姐知道自己没有明日，她会做些什么。

我想她会给家人和几个密友打电话，可能还会和以前吵过架的朋友打电话道歉，重修旧好。我觉得她会去吃她最爱的中国菜。我只是猜测。我永远不会知道。

假如我知道自己时间不多了，没做这些小事会让我很恼火。恼火是因为我一拖再拖没能看成“有朝一日”会去看的好友们。恼火是因为我没有写出我“终有一天”要写的信。恼火和内疚是因为我没能经常地告诉我的丈夫和女儿我有多爱他们。

我正努力地拥抱任何可以给生活增添欢乐和光彩的事物，毫不迟疑，毫无保留。每天清晨一睁开眼，我便告诉自己：每一天，每一分钟，每一个呼吸都是上帝赐予的礼物。